


The glorious past mistreatment of Angus Mcdonald

by Anonymous



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Gen, How Do I Tag, I am writing all of this in the early am before sleeping, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape, Rape Recovery, Self-Harm, Will add more tags as story continues, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-11-24 07:08:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20903654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Angus Mcdonald starts processing his past trauma in the most stressful time in a young boy's life; when they are on the moon and are trying to stop the end of the world.He keeps it to himself, no one asks, he never tells, he doesn't tell them about the phantom hands that touch him in his sleep, the memory of that man whispering in his ear, the disgust he feels when he looks at himself in the mirror.He would like to keep that all to himself, thank you very much.





	1. Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> This is very much a vent fic, so if you are reading this please be clear this is NOT supposed to be romanticizing the events involved, I needed a place to vent due to not having much area to do that in my life, and I relate heavily to angus, I am sorry if this work makes you uncomfortable and I urge you if you didn't to READ THE TAGS, this fic will be pretty gross, and I don't expect anyone to read and enjoy it, I just needed to get it out of me.

Angus likes Taako, he might tease him sometimes, and he might take his stuff sometimes, but he likes Taako.  
Taako doesn't remind him of anyone bad when he approaches he doesn't jump, he isn't scared of Taako, even when Taako did the very threatening speech at the magic lesson he wasn't scared.  
Maybe if Angus was anyone else he would be, maybe if he hadn't felt true fear he wouldn't, maybe if he hadn't stayed at that house he wouldn't.  
But he did.  
He isn't scared of Merle either, he's short, short enough to not remind him, he doesn't walk hard.  
He doesn't do anything like people who have been scary have.  
The first time he looked at Magnus he was scared, but he faded quickly, he is definitely the closest, big, and loud, and he stomps, but he knew after seeing him a bit longer than he was good, and he wouldn't hurt him like other people did.  
Other men did.  
He tried not to be scared of anyone anymore without reason.  
But when a glass slammed, or he heard a door open to a room he was in alone, or at night when he laid in bed and phantom hands touched him.  
He was afraid.


	2. Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus gets a flashback to a very bad time.

The feeling started when he was laying in bed.  
He was on the moon base in his singular dorm, sleeping calmly, and then he felt it.  
He felt phantom hands, running up his thighs, across his face, everywhere, and he felt disgusting, and he knew it was fake, knew it wasn't real.  
That didn't stop it though, he bit down hard on his lip to stop himself from screaming.  
He didn't want anyone on the moon to walk in on this.  
He felt tears well up in his eyes, begging his mind to please not flashback right now, please don't remember.  
He wish he could shove these memories in the voidfish and forget it.  
But he couldn't, and the memory only got deeper.  
"be quiet baby, you don't want your aunt to hear this now do you?"  
You remember nodding, tears going down your face, you felt his hands on you, they seemed so big, but thinking back on it he was an average human male.  
Didn't stop anything.  
You see him grab a bottle of oil, relief and disgust run through you at the same time, sometimes he doesn't use it and it hurts.  
But when he uses it, it feels kinda good, and it makes you feel gross.  
"Aw, not fighting back, do you like how my cock feels?"  
Angus let out a sob at the feeling of the oil down there on his body, it felt disgusting and terrible and he hated it he hated it he hated it-  
His head fell back and he let out a silent scream at the feeling of being entered, it felt like he was being split in half, his small body not supposed to accept anything that big.  
He tried to breathe, it was too much, and then he moved, and it burned.  
He cried silently as his uncle worked inside of him, he cried harder when it stopped hurting so much. When twinges of what his uncle called pleasure jabbed in his gut.  
It wasn't pleasure, nothing about this was pleasurable.  
He heard his uncle groan and felt something warm inside of him and cringed in disgust, hoping his uncle wouldn't make him 'get off' this time.  
His uncle pulled out, he felt the drip he remembered and almost vomited on the spot, feeling bile in the back of his mouth.  
His uncle threw a few gold pieces next to you on the bed before pulling up his pants and walking out.  
And then the scene shifted, to him in a bath, just kind of enjoying the feeling of the warm water, feeling safe for once, his aunt was home, so his uncle wouldn't do anything to him.  
Oh, how wrong he was.  
He heard the door open and he took a few too many seconds to process it before he felt hands around his throat.  
"Touch me and I'll scream, aunty will hear." He said, an empty threat, he didn't want to be caught like this.  
"Your aunt left to get groceries, so please, scream all you want"  
He took in a faint breath before his head was shoved under the water, though immediately he let it out as his body squirmed and jerked, trying to get above the water.  
He was pulled up briefly and he gasped for breath before being shoved back under.  
And this repeated, over and over, until he was too weak to take in the breath, and when he went back under, he passed out.  
When he woke up he had a second of 'goddamnit, this again', complete not care for living, in fact, he wanted to just be drowning again, it was better than anything that could come next.  
He realized distantly that his uncle was performing CPR on him, he didn't care, he wish his uncle let him die, say it was an accident and he fell asleep and drowned.  
He opened his eyes, and then his brain fuzzed out as his uncle used him, he didn't want to be there for it, and he was thankful his brain was so rushed on the feeling of breathing that he couldn't feel it as much as he could usually.  
and then the scene shifted, and then it was the first time his uncle used him.  
He was young, he thinks four, details escaped him, the feelings, the same as if it happened yesterday.  
He was playing with his uncle in his room, and his uncle asked him  
"Do you want to play a secret grownup game? It's usually only for us grownups but since you are sooo mature you can play it with me."  
He remembered his eyes lighting up as he nodded "Yeah let's play!"  
"You have to promise me not to tell anyone, not your dad, or your mom, or your aunty, or any of the kids you play with, you will be in big trouble"  
He remembered nodding and going "I promise!"  
And then he remembered his uncle getting him off, it made him feel gross the entire time, he didn't say so, he didn't say to stop, because that's what little kids did.  
Even if he cried later when he was alone in his room, it was fine, he was a big kid.  
Angus reopened his eyes to his room, it was daytime, as daytime as the moon could get, he must have passed out during the flashback, he took a shaky breath in and got up. Getting ready for the day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> s

Angus walked out of his room on the moon base, in his best boy suit with his best boy bowtie and his best boy detective cap.  
Who would he be but Angus Mcdonald if he didn't?  
He went to the cafeteria and ate breakfast as he always did, it was probably good.  
It tasted bland to him, he had a hard time tasting after he had dreams like the one he had last night.  
He pushed those thoughts out of his head, it only makes it harder to stomach his food.  
He finished quickly, more of picking at his food then eating it, and throwing the leftovers away with a bit of quilt in his stomach.  
Grabbing his favorite Caleb Cleveland novel, he sat down against a wall somewhere, he had made it a habit hanging out here, it was usually empty, easy to hear and see people approaching him.  
Well, usually.  
He was just sitting there reading and then he heard a familiar voice say  
"What are you doing 'round here Agnes"  
He jumped at least 3 feet in the air "U-um I am just reading my Caleb Cleveland novels, Sir!"  
Taako reached down and grabbed the book, Angus noticed he grabbed it to make sure not to lose the page, which was nice at least, and seemed to read a page.  
The elf narrowed his eyes, must've rolled low on investigation, and sat down next to Angus, reading the two pages pretty quickly.  
"You.... aren't gonna play keep away sir?"  
Taako sighed, half-tossing him the book "Nah, I don't feel up to it right now,"  
Angus blinked "Sir are you feeling well?"  
"What, can a dude not want to fuck with you for one day Angus?"  
"What, can a dude not want to fuck with you for one day Angus?"  
Angus's breathing picked up, don't hit him please don't hit him he wasn't bad he wasn't he would be good he promised.  
He came back to Taako shaking his shoulder, his eyes wide open, "Angus, buddy, you there!"  
"Y-yes Sir, I'm fine, thanks for worrying."  
"Are you sure? You're crying."  
"I-I" Angus took in a deep breath "I'm sorry sir I need to go" he grabbed his book and got up, ignoring that Taako continued talking as he ran.  
He ran all the way to his room, closing the door behind it and locking it, desperately gulping down air as he slid down it.  
He was suddenly VERY glad about his lack of roommates.  
He counted, five minutes, five minutes, if Taako didn't check on him in that time, then he was free, then he could do whatever he needed to.  
So he counted.  
From one to ten, to sixty, to three minutes, to five.   
And no one came, he didn't hear anyone pass that sounded like Taako or anyone else that would check on him either.  
He walked into his bathroom, locking that door behind him for good measure, and reached into his medicine cabinet, grabbing a plastic bag and opening it, and pulling out a razor.  
It was clean, unrusted, he made sure to keep it in good shape; if he had to go get healed people would ask questions.  
They would know he was broken.  
He grabbed a few bandages and cleaning stuff and set it on the counter, before rolling up his sleeve, and setting the cool metal against his arm.  
He pushed down hard and dragged it, relishing in the sting, he pulled the blade back up and then pushed it into his skin again.  
and again.  
and again.  
and again.  
By the time he comes back, the bottom of his sink has a lot of blood in it, he turns on the water and rinses the blood off of his arm, wincing at the cold water entering his slit open skin.  
He always disliked cleaning the cuts more than making them, that's when the endorphins weren't there, it just was uncomfortable.  
He deserved it for ruining himself like this.  
He cleaned the cuts, then bandaged them and rolled back down his sleeve, making sure you couldn't see any signs of anything that happened.  
Satisfied with his work, he walked back out into his room, he should probably stay in here a bit longer to avoid questioning from Taako.  
Oh my god, Taako, he would never be able to look at him, Taako knew that he was fucked up he would tell Madam Director and she would put him away and oh god.  
He vaguely felt himself scoot against a wall and curl in on himself, his nails digging in his cuts through his sleeves and bandages.  
He was broken and disgusting, he asked for this to happen to him, he deserved it if Taako decided to use him for something next time he sees him, he deserved it if everyone on the moon knew and treated him like he deserved.  
He didn't feel it at first when the tears started going down his face, they trailed down and landed on his folded in knees, making dark marks on his khakis.  
He hoped his tears wouldn't stain it.  
Well, it's not like anyone is looking at his knees anyways.  
He took in deep breaths, 1,2,3 up, okay good, 1,2,3 walk, can't do that one yet, okay, that's fine, 1,2,3 step, 1,2,3 step.  
(You're so dumb, you can't even walk correctly)  
He mumbled a little "shut up I'm trying" as he walked slowly across the room to the couch before sitting down.  
(It's the truth, it's not like anyone would care if you just offed yourself, it's not like anyone cares.)  
He feels a broken sob fall out of his lips before he can catch it, curling up on the couch.  
He doesn't know how long he sits there wallowing before he gets up, going back to the bathroom and making sure he doesn't look like he just spent the last, who knows how long, sobbing, before leaving his room.  
It was magic lesson day, and if he missed it Taako would know how fucked up he was, and he couldn't risk that.  
He heard himself chastise himself in his head, Taako would never hurt him, none of them would.  
It didn't stop the fear that loomed over his shoulder, whispering in his ear, that they would.


End file.
